Destroyed

 

It was the morning of Wednesday February 14th 2024. I recited this variation of the old classic to my elementary school riders…

Roses are red,

Violets are blue.

I love being a bus driver.

Because of you.

Applause and happy cheers then came from my faithful audience as we headed down 7th street. Just one of many such joyful moments that brightened up what was otherwise a rather rough ride through the course of the entire school year up to that point. Exactly one month later, when I returned to work on the 14th of March after taking a day of sick leave (my first one since November)… they asked me if I could read the poem to them again, and so I did.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I love being a bus driver,

Because of you.

Similar happy cheers and then they came back with their own rendition of the old classic, singing (quite enthusiastically!)…

“Roses are red,

Violets are blue.

We love riding the bus!

Because of you!”

The next Friday, March 22nd was the last day before spring break. As it happened, it was also… the last time I’d ever see them again.

The following is a blog post, in its entirety, that I originally wrote a year earlier in March of 2023 titled “It’s A Thankless Job” I opted to unpublish it a few days later, as it was written a bit hastily and the tone seemed rather negative upon further reflection. In light of what’s gone on this year, I’ve changed my mind and decided to copy and paste it here. Word for word, unfiltered… as I believe it puts a lot of the story into context. The idea that I made reference to in this post, in which I couldn’t help but to feel I was hated for no reason from the very beginning… was, very sadly, confirmed to be true.

“It’s A Thankless Job” (originally published March 10th 2023)…

I haven't posted on here in ages. The final few months of 2022 brought about some much needed change and to make a long story short... I finally found what I was looking for, after so many years of trying. I finally love my job again! I'm not going to go into great detail of how I came to be a school bus driver here... I've covered that quite a bit on my various social media channels. But I will say that it's truly been a blessing! I feel like... if life handed out comeback player of the year awards, I think I should be the winner of the 2022 prize.

But... it's a thankless job. It's not always fun and games. I still would not trade it for anything in the world, but these past few weeks have given me a much more realistic picture of what it really entails. There's been some bumps in the road. Some frustrations. And even some hard feelings. I'll warn you... it's quite a bit of venting here.

But before I get into all that, I'll make a mention of the middle school portion of the run. Back when I was substitute teaching, I would occasionally get called in to sub for a class where everything just "clicked" right off the bat. The students' personalities and mine... were just a perfect match and we'd get along really well with very little effort on my part or theirs. They weren't always the most perfectly well behaved, but those were usually the very best days and I'd often find myself being called back to those same classrooms again when needed, per the specific request from the regular teachers. The middle school group on my new bus route... was exactly like those few very special classrooms. The very first time I took them to school on the morning of November 18th... it was like instantly stepping back in time and standing before Mrs. Jackson's 2nd grade 1999-00 class at Triangle. Or Mrs. Anderson's 1998-99 6th graders on the Dragons team at Rippon. In particular, I was surprised by how many "Thank You's" I received that morning on my very first day. I was impressed with how calm and (relatively) quiet they were on the ride home that afternoon. Now they have had their occasional moments of mayhem since then but it's not nearly every day and well... they are (mostly) WONDERFUL! Very friendly, and overall really appreciative and respectful towards me... which truly makes my heart glad!

On the other hand (and this begins the rather frustrating and thankless part of this)... the elementary group I was assigned to is the polar opposite. They're a smaller group of about 20 (half the size of the middle school, which has my largest number of riders at about 40) and it's not that they're necessarily rowdy or obnoxious or even (intentionally) disrespectful... they are just (for lack of a better term) "distant." They seem to be generally happy and they talk quite a bit with each other and with my bus attendant but with me... I'm just a steering wheel holder. They often walk right by me like I'm not even there when they are getting on and off the bus. It's been like this right from the beginning, and I've yet to figure out a way to break the ice. I've definitely had to work a lot harder with this group. There will be days where I think I've finally broken through and they're smiling and laughing at my jokes and wishing me a good day when we get to their school and then the very next day... they've turned that switch right back off and I have to start all over again. My best efforts... just become another waste of time.

(As a side note here... HOW can I expect to get their attention in an emergency if they're actively ignoring me?!?)

It's frustrating as all hell, really. I don't think their particular school is much of a help either and may actually be a part of the problem, the more I think about. Their school doesn't seem to like to communicate important things to bus drivers like... "You have a new student and her bus stop is (fill in the blank)." or "We're changing the safety patrols assigned to your bus and some of them are trainees and here's what each one (out of 4, or 5... or 6???... they seem to be different ones every freaking day!) of their specific duties are." School Bus Driver Appreciation Day? (February 22nd) No, it seems they've conspicuously gone out of their way to NOT observe that day... and this is the type of attitude that is reflected in the kids themselves. In fact, it seems as if this particular school itself just flat out HATES bus drivers! Or maybe just me... who knows?

All I can say is... it's frustrating. On this past Friday afternoon, it really came to a head!

The day before winter break began in December, I handed out treats to all the students in both my middle and elementary when they got off the bus to go home in the afternoon. Nothing more than just dum-dum lollipops as a kind of small "holiday gift" to them. They seemed overly happy about it, and afterwards I started to think that I'd probably continue to occasionally surprise them on random Fridays throughout the year with those same treats. One way or another, it began to be a regular (every Friday) routine with the elementary group. I don't know how I got roped into that by a bunch of students who hardly ever say anything to me, but somehow I did. I figured "why not?"... it's a small enough group in number so it wasn't going to really break the bank and perhaps establishing the routine; perhaps having something to look forward to at the end of the week... was a good thing for them.

Still; it was never intended to be a weekly thing. Just an occasional surprise. Well, the afternoon of Friday March 10th... I grabbed the bag of dum-dums I'd bought just for the elementary group and brought them onto the bus before I set out for the last run of the week. There were about 45 or so lollipops in the bag... enough to actually cover this Friday as well as the the next one. But first, I had to cover my other two schools. My first stop... the middle school. When I turned onto the road leading up to the school, that's when I realized this was not going to be a normal afternoon run.

The school had gone on lockdown due to a "written threat" and we had to park on a side street and wait for what was going to be a late dismissal. Waiting... for who knows how long. Finally, after about 45 minutes, the students were released. It was a slow process... but eventually, my normal crowd of about 40 all arrived safely on board. But I'll tell you something... they were quite shaken up. I've never been involved in one of these lockdowns before and have never seen the aftereffects of one of those... this was a first. Sadly I think, it probably won't be the last.

They were scared and anxious. Nervous. Upset. A couple of them even appeared to be crying. My heart literally broke. I'm tearing up even now writing this. I wanted to say something, or do something, that might make them maybe feel just a little better but I'd never been put in this kind of situation before.

I had no choice; I had to do it. I took out the bag of candy I'd set aside to save for my elementary group. It's not much, I thought, but maybe it will help. So when we finally made it to their bus stop... I let them each have a piece to take home with them. They seemed even more delighted and thankful than either of the previous two times I'd given them the "surprise random Friday treats." Of course, with 40 of them, it just about emptied the bag.

I didn't say anything to the elementary kids when I finally made it to their school. After all, it wasn't their fault. And how do you even begin to tell kids that age that you gave away their Friday treats to someone else? I guess I was hoping (maybe somewhat foolishly) that they wouldn't notice. I mean, after all, they rarely pay me any mind anyway... so what's the difference? I was wrong. While none of them brought it up or asked me about it, the vibe I got was that they definitely noticed. Worse yet, I get the feeling they blamed themselves.

I blame myself... for not planning better for something I was not prepared for. If they (elementary) didn't hate me before, they sure do hate me now!

It's a thankless job. I get cut off and honked at a lot. Careless pedestrians and bicyclists. People who park their cars on either side of these narrow curvy roads (looking at you, 28th Road South!) that are hard enough to maneuver with oncoming traffic, let alone having obstacles on either side to steer clear of. They park there only because it's legal, even though it's inconsiderate and stupid! Red light/stop arm runners too... malevolent rodents!

I've got a grand collection of two (2) cards I've received from students. Both from (before) Christmas. Nothing since. I get more criticism than compliments. Never got so much as a single "Happy Bus Driver Day!" from any of my students or their parents on February 22nd. Yes, I got a new t-shirt and some snacks from the transportation team, as well as a donut and coffee from the middle school principal... and that was nice. But all I wanted was to hear it from the kids/parents. I wanted to hear it from the ones who directly benefit from the services of our school transportation team. Just a few simple words. "Happy Bus Driver Day!" Maybe a couple of handwritten notes too. That's all!

I guess it would be nice, at least... if you really don't hate me, just tell me that! Because, after all, it's a thankless job!

Fast forward a year later and I published this post, entitled “Don’t Give Up” during Easter Break. I decided again with this one to unpublish it a few days later but I’m now including it within the context of all that’s gone on since I returned from spring break on April 1st. Here it is, unfiltered and word for word…

“Don’t Give Up” (originally published March 30th 2024)…

Good evening ,to all my friends and followers. I know that I have not updated this blog in quite some time. At the time of my last entry on June 20th, we had just ended the 2022-23 school year. My spirits were very high, as I could not have imagined a more picture-perfect, storybook ending to the first year of my new career path. I had so much confidence and so much hope that my second year would be even greater. Instead, these past seven months have brought about a series of one stressful event after another… and an incredible amount of intense emotion as I’ve struggled to adapt to the ever changing circumstances and even began to question what I was doing here and why I am putting in so much effort that continuously goes unnoticed.

First, before I go any further… I’d like to wish everyone a happy Easter! This is the holiday weekend in which those of us (including myself) who follow the teachings of Jesus and profess Him as our personal Savior and Lord… we celebrate His death, burial, and resurrection.

This letter will not be a gospel message or a sermon, although I will refer to and quote from the Bible. Rather, this is intended to maybe encourage anyone reading who may be going through something similar. An encouragement to persevere and keep doing good; but also with an added word of caution. Be careful not to make the same mistake I did. Don’t let it get to you… to the point where you want to give up doing good and perhaps even confess the desire to give up in front of the wrong audience. “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9)

Recently, I’ve come under scrutiny in my workplace. As a follower of Jesus, I strive to set the same kind of example that He would in everything I do. Unfortunately, in this day and age, the fruits of the Spirit which include (as written in Galatians 5:22-23)… love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control… these are the attributes that all too often go unnoticed or unrecognized at best. At worst, they can be misconstrued or misunderstood. It’s not just this day and age though. The fact is; this has been going on for over 2000 years.

Prior to Jesus’ trial and subsequent crucifixion, He gathered His disciples and spoke these words (as written in the book of John, Chapter 15, verse 18)… “If the world hates you, know that it hated me before it hated you,” Jesus said many other things but this is the verse I wanted to zero in on. Jesus was hated for who He was. He was crucified for spreading the message of love, compassion, and peace. He was sentenced to be hung on a cross and left there to die. To suffer a very slow and excruciatingly painful death, in fact. He was “pierced for our transgressions; and crushed for our iniquities; upon Him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with His wounds we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:5)

There are many people in the world today that do not understand kindness (or any of the other fruits of the spirit in fact). Kindness is scarce. It’s viewed as a weakness at best. At worst, it’s seen as a form of attention seeking or even manipulation. What’s the motive? Why is he like that? It’s so easy to get discouraged when your best efforts are seemingly not only not good enough, but that they’re wrong too.

Jesus went through these very same things. And then got sentenced to death for who He was. And while we, today, are highly unlikely to receive this same punishment… we are still subjected to persecution. As is our imperfect human nature, we can get discouraged to the point of wanting to give up. The temptation is very strong and at times we succumb. We become somebody we are not (as I did) and then make things worse. For us. For the ones we care about. It's particularly hard on those of us who battle with clinical depression. For anyone who has known me for a while, you know that at various times over the past several years I've had bouts with depression. There's a stigma attached to this medical condition because most people do not understand. As recently as this past October, I had to take two weeks off from work to take care of myself and get help for this. It's not in my nature to reach out for help but I had to do it due to the nature of my job duties. I never discussed the specifics when I returned but I always got the feeling that I was resented for being absent. Not nearly by everybody, but by a few people. As if I was attention seeking or even possibly trying to "make them miss me." When in reality, I was struggling mightily and losing income too.

I’ve written this not just that it may encourage someone else but also because I, too, need to be reminded of this. Stay true to who you are. You’re going to ruffle some feathers no matter what you do or say. You might as well sow the seeds of love, of joy, and of peace. Of patience, and kindness, and goodness. And of faithfulness, and gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. You might as well be true to who you are. What have you got to lose?

As it happened, I ended up losing a LOT! The following has been copied and pasted from an (unsuccessful) petition I posted on the change.org website on April 30th…

I was a reliable worker and a stable presence in the lives of many of these students, making every effort to be in attendance on a daily basis unless I was legitimately ill or (in very rare cases) mentally fatigued/exhausted. At the same time, I strived to present myself as somebody that all students could count on to be kind, cordial, and trustworthy. As somebody who was always committed to their safety and well-being at all times, and put a great deal of heart and dedication into my role as their bus driver.

Apparently, however, not everybody thought of me that way.

Following is an excerpt from a social media post I published on April 8th…

Le sigh. Hey folks… (LONG!) rant here. These past two and a half weeks have been a nightmare. I’ve had my name dragged through the mud, persecuted, interrogated, villianized, and basically kicked all around… all because I expect basic courtesy, kindness, and respect from my student riders in the short time it takes to get to and from school while I also like to interject some light hearted humor from time to time. All this while I show up at work every day and for three months I’ve been doing double duty… simultaneously performing the job duties of both driver and attendant.

And so naturally I’m human and as such my emotions get the better of me when I’m under extreme pressure. I have one or two bad days (which really weren’t that terrible… I’ve certainly done worse in the past!) and then I am…

1. Taken off my route temporarily, then…

2. Kicked off my route permanently, then…

3. Reassigned to a new route, then finally…

4. Had the new route rescinded and placed on leave because… someone who doesn’t even know me has been secretly keeping a 7 month long file on me documenting every little thing (all of which was acquired second hand) I’ve said and done “from the beginning of the school year” and then dumped the entire file on to my manager after I’d already been kicked off my beloved route which I’ve had since I first began at APS.

Being witch hunted all because I asked to be treated right.

It’s as if all the fun and joy, the smiles and the laughter… was all just a fantasy.

I’ll be the first to admit that many times, I’m not an easy person to work with. I give a lot of myself and get frustrated sometimes when that energy is not reciprocated. But I never imagined that anyone who didn’t even know me could question my heart and dedication, and paint me as a villain in their story… and then manage to convince a large number of people (many of whom DO know me!) to believe it!

I never hold grudges against any of my student riders (and very seldom with anyone else for that matter!). When a mistake is made… I deal with it, give correction if necessary, forgive, and move on.

I’ve dried tears with just a few encouraging words.

I’ve made myself look silly wearing crazy hats and doing goofy dances for their entertainment… even though I’m typically rather quiet and reserved by nature.

I’ve been known to send notes home in instances of a student being out sick for multiple days, with well wishes for recovering. I’ve celebrated birthdays and given out the occasional freebies.

I’ve been dubbed “best bus driver ever!” by multiple students at both the elementary and middle school level (both in writing AND verbally!)… and received daily “thank you’s” from high schoolers on both my regular route as well as other high school runs I’ve occasionally covered. Daily I’m greeted with a cheerful group chorus of “Good Morning, Mr. K.!” from the elementary crew I’ve known since I first started… and then an even way more enthusiastic (and LOUD!) “Good Afternoon, Mr. K.!!!” at the end of the day.

I care about all my students, from pre-K to 12th grade and anywhere in between… past or present, on or off duty. When I crossed paths with a couple of my student riders over the summer at the Arlington County Fair, I extended the same courtesy and cordiality that I would have if they were sitting behind me in one of those 13 rows of the big blue seats.

My petition, which I shared on multiple social media platforms including Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn… resulted in a grand total of 3 supporters, none of whom I actually know in real life. I created it in an effort to restore my reputation and standing as someone who was truly dedicated and faithfully performed my job duties to the best of my ability… but evidently, nobody I knew was willing to sign. Apparently, I was not worth the time.

All the while, I continued to remain on administrative leave (simultaneously also on a medical leave of absence per my request) for several weeks with my status in limbo and the only communication I received from human resources was a harassing email sent to me on April 25th, essentially restricting me from being out in public while on leave… after I was seen out and walking on a couple of very gorgeous spring days.

Many weeks passed without any word from anyone in transportation or HR but I continued to get paid as it was policy for employees on administrative leave. Until, that is, I got tired of waiting for answers and sent a (VERY long-winded) email which I also forwarded to the school board and the superintendent. The following is a small portion…

Between December 18th and March 22nd, I operated on my route without a bus attendant on duty at the insistence of my supervisor. During that time, I only took one day off for sick leave. We also had two snow days, a couple holidays, two inservice days in which schools were closed to students, and one day in which all elementary and middle schools were closed… leaving a total of 53 school days in which I was solely responsible for the safe transportation and management of student behavior for two different schools, both of which required an attendant and one in which we were always near or at maximum legal capacity for school bus passengers.

I reported to work nearly every day during this time… 53 out of 54 days, equaling an attendance record of 98%. My safety record… 100%. And that is not only covering the time I was running my route by myself but throughout my entire tenure with APS to date. Every single student who has ever rode on my bus has arrived safely at their destination (whether that be school or home) without incident. I faithfully performed my job duties to the best of my ability each and every day. Many times I went above and beyond for not only my students but also for co-workers and especially for both of the bus attendants I worked with. I helped my supervisor out on several occasions covering additional routes when necessary, many times volunteering to do so before even being asked. I was asked to perform both the role of bus driver AND attendant on my own route for a period of three months and in case I haven’t mentioned it yet, a portion of that run involved transporting over 70 students at one time and ensuring that each and every one of them was accounted for when dropping them off at their bus stop… all ON MY OWN.

In return, I’ve been subjected to various levels of harassment and mistreatment by some students, parents, administrators, the motoring public, and… my own immediate supervisor, who very rarely takes the time to listen to my concerns/issues and is often dismissive, brushing me off because (according to him)… bus driving is an “easy job” and “the only time you should get mad is when your paycheck is missing.”

In December 2023, APS adopted the mission, vision, and core values of the 2024-30 strategic plan. Among the core values (not a complete list) are Equity & Inclusion, Integrity, Relationships, and Valuing Staff. I’ve been happy to see that these core values have been endorsed and embraced by the administrators and parents of Carlin Springs Elementary School, Gunston Middle School, and Washington Liberty High School.

Is the Montessori Public School of Arlington not a part of the Arlington Public Schools division? From the beginning of my employment, the majority of parents and administrators of Montessori have collaborated and conspired to create an environment in which school bus transportation professionals are routinely looked down upon and dismissed, their authority undermined, their efforts to provide a safe and secure ride for the students are not recognized or valued, open and honest communication is discouraged or even shunned, courtesy and respect from students is optional, and the safety of the students takes a back seat to hustling the buses in and out of the bus loop as fast as possible during afternoon dismissal so that staff and administrators can be rid of them. To make it worse, these practices are supported and even encouraged by both human resources and the transportation department… as evidenced by the fact that I was placed under investigation, all because the principal wanted to silence me for speaking out against all these shenanigans.

Now I realize that five paragraphs may not seem like a “small portion” but I went into much greater detail about literally EVERYTHING and closed the email with a final ultimatum. Reinstate me with no further consequence, or I begin pursuing legal actions against the school district as well as other individual parties responsible for participating in this egregious attack on me. What happened next? Well they stopped paying me, presumably in retaliation for speaking up about, well… all the SHENANIGANS.

On July 16th, the day after my second missing paycheck, I gave my notice of resignation to take effect immediately.

Folks… this was truly the most hateful and vicious attack I’ve ever personally been subjected to from anyone in my entire life. In a previous blog post, I compared it to a dark cloud that had been following me around which suddenly spawned a violent tornado. But I don’t think that quite does it justice. Honestly and totally unfiltered here… when I think of April 3rd 2024, the first thought that comes to mind is the image of the twin towers of the World Trade Center collapsing into a pile of rubble and debris strewn all over the streets of downtown Manhattan. In saying that, please understand I’m not trying to belittle the terrible events that took place on 9/11/2001. I will tell you however that the same hatred and evil that motivated the terrorists to attack is the same hatred and evil in the hearts of the ones who tried to tear me down. And the source of that hatred and evil is the same… it’s Satan. No doubt about it!

In a way, I could see it coming. I had a strong feeling that something bad was going to happen, especially within the final few weeks. I remember now waking up from a rather vivid dream I had on the morning of March 2nd with an unusual feeling of grief and sorrow. In the dream, it was the last day of school and I was driving the kids home but they were not listening to me. They were out of control and didn’t seem to even hear me trying to get them to calm down. It was as if… I wasn’t even there.

There’s only one other time in my life I’ve ever woken up from a dream with an overwhelming feeling of sadness and grief as if it was not just a dream but reality. The other time… the morning of September 11th 2001, when I had a dream about a plane crash.

It haunts me now to think of the March 2nd dream when I put it into perspective. The reason they were not listening to me, as if I wasn’t even there… is because, as it would come to pass, I was not there on the last day of school.

Now I know that the idea that God still speaks to us sometimes in dreams, as He did in Biblical times, is controversial and open to various interpretations and/or arguments. But I have to say it’s an awfully huge coincidence that both the worst day in American history as well as the worst thing to have ever happened to me personally… were proceeded by premonitions in the form of very vivid dreams that invoked feelings of great sorrow upon awakening.

I’ve experienced a lot of tough things in my life, especially over the past ten years or so. But April 3rd 2024 was absolutely the saddest day I can ever remember. It was the day I not only was permanently kicked off my route, it was the beginning of the end to what was supposed to be a long and promising future. Everything I worked so hard for came crashing down in a pile of rubble, debris, and ashes. In an instant, I blinked and it was gone. Destroyed, forever.

When I look back now and I realize the signs were right there at the beginning, I regret that I ever brushed it off as nothing. I was HATED from the start and I should have asked to transfer to another route immediately after 2/22/2023. It wasn't even my original route I had when I first began driving for APS... I was yanked from that one after only four days while I was just starting to familiarize myself with many streets which I'd never driven before, and then dumped into a situation which almost seemed destined to be a setup for failure.

I want to make this clear. I don't blame the students for any of this. I'll give them a lot of credit because they really did try as much as they could to do what was right. But I know it was hard for them, as they've been trained (mostly by their school, but some by the parents too) to disregard and ignore the bus driver.

Although my tenure with APS has come to an end, I can assure you that my battle with them has not. But right now, I just got to take care of myself first. In full disclosure, I will be setting up a GoFundMe. The sudden and unexpected loss of income (which was indeed in violation of the terms of my administrative leave) has put me in a financial bind. I sure hope there’s a much better outcome than what came from the petition.

In closing, I know this was LONG and that much of it (if not ALL of it) may have been hard to read. But this is my story; my unfiltered version of the terrible ordeal I’ve been going through and yet I could go on and on. If nothing else, I need a lot of prayers. It’s going to be a long road to recover from this nightmare and I just feel like I’m not even close yet.