It seems like it has been a very long time since I updated this blog.
Actually, it really HAS been a very long time since I updated this blog.
When I originally started this blog in January, I came up with the title, "There Was A Man In The Land Of Uz" The book of Job, in the Old Testament, opens up with these very same words. The entire opening verse reads as follows (reading from the English Standard Version)... "There was a man in the land of Uz whose name was Job, and that man was blameless and upright, one who feared God and turned away from evil."
The story of Job may be one of the oldest stories in all of Scripture, but the sufferings of the man who was blameless and upright, and who feared God, and who turned away from evil... the story of his ordeal, is still relevant today. Unfortunately, I found that out the hard way.
At the beginning of this year when I reflected on a dark and disturbing 2015, I was encouraged when I went back further and remembered 1997. I remembered 1997 and how similarly painful that year was, but I was encouraged because 1998 was the exact opposite, a year of tremendous growth and numerous blessing. It was in many ways the reward for enduring the struggles of the year that had just passed. When I recalled how quickly God turned things around for good at that time, naturally I thought 2016 would be the same. I was wrong.
On the morning of Tuesday September 27th, a little over a month ago, I awoke having had a very distressing dream. In my dream, I was upstairs watching MLB Network (which I normally do at 5:00 every day) when my dad called me downstairs for dinner. I got up and went downstairs to eat but I stopped before I got to the table. I stood there over my place, looking down at the plate of food, I looked up at my mom, then my dad, dropped my head again, and said "I can't do this anymore" then turned and went back upstairs, slamming the door behind me. I sobbed and sobbed. But neither one of them came up to ask me why I was so upset. I don't know what they did with my plate after I left, but I did not eat that night. Instead, I lay in bed and wept. Then I woke up.
It was only a dream, but the images seemed so real. How did things ever get to be like this? I used to be happy. My life used to be full of joy.
Why am I writing all this, you may ask? I don't know, to be honest. I guess in some way by writing it all down... it will serve to remind me one day, when I go to re-read it, that I'll remember just how broken I was, and how God managed to turn it around. Hopefully, one day I'll be blessed because I realized that God was in control all along. My prayer now is that maybe, somehow, I can remember and be comforted by that today...
